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Post by Youngster Joey on Dec 10, 2009 22:27:06 GMT -5
So Hiro, Sam, Griffin and I have been screwing around with this Drabble-o-Matic thing and have gotten some pretty interesting stuff. Feel free to post here what you guys got. (I didn't write all of these, btw. They're a compilation of what all of us got.) Sam Gets Attacked by Snow Man Christian Humber It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, Hiro and Sam went out to play. First, they made snow angels. Then they had a snowball fight and Hiro hit Sam in his foot with a big ugly iceball. It hurt a lot, but Hiro kissed it quickly and then it was all better.
Then they decided to make a snow man. "We'll make a really purple snow man!" Hiro said.
"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" Sam said. "That would be more manly and politically correct."
"I know," Hiro said. "We can make a snow Christian Humber. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."
So they rolled the snow up lazily and made an intense snow Christian Humber. Hiro put on a sword for the finger. The Christian Humber was almost as big as Sam. "It looks robotic," Hiro said violently. "But it seems like it's missing something."
"Here," Sam said and held up a deep gun. "I found this in space." He put the gun onto the Christian Humber's head.
It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the Christian Humber, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl like Mark Gatha letting off a terrific scream. Sam screamed timidly and ran but the snow Christian Humber chased him until he tripped over a tree root. Then the snow Christian Humber fought him boldly. Nobody does that to my little Fat Hammer," Hiro screamed. He grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow Christian Humber through the fist. It fell down and Hiro kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.
"You saved me!" Sam said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.
The gun lay in the yard until a mean child picked it up and took it home. An Awesome Day to Whip An Awesome Day To Whip
The Colonel stepped angrily out into the mighty sunshine, and admired Griffy's hand. "Ah," she sighed, "That's a busy sight."
Griffy climbed off the loaf of bread and walked quietly across the grass to greet his lover. The Colonel patted Griffy on the finger and then tried to whip him wildly, but without success.
"That's all right," Griffy said. "We can try again later."
"I'm just not hairy," The Colonel. "Not as hairy as the time we whipped in the girls' locker room."
Griffy nodded courageously. "We were brave back in those days." "Our eyes were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," The Colonel said. "Everything seems clear and tiny when you're young."
"Of course," Griffy said. "But now we're beautiful, we can still have fun. If we go about it quickly."
"Quickly?" The Colonel said . "But how?" "With this," Griffy said and held out a golden sword. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to whip."
The Colonel swallowed the sword at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to whip quickly. They whipped like the crimson flames of dawn. Three times. And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn. The Adventure of the Hiro Griffy and Sam were out for a bloody Valentine's walk in bed. As they went, Sam rested his hand on Griffy's butt. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so quiet, Griffy was filled with soft dread.
"Do you suppose it's angry here?" he asked violently.
"You ugly silly," Sam said, tickling Griffy with his boomerang. "It's completely handsome." Just then, a furry Hiro leapt out from behind a axe and caressed Sam in the fingernail. "Aaargh!" Sam screamed.
Things looked noisy. But Griffy, although he was lonely, knew he had to save his love. He grabbed a spoon and, like a badly animated mecha TV show, beat the Hiro suavely until it ran off. "That will teach you to caress innocent people."
Then he clasped Sam close. Sam was bleeding sexily. "My darling," Griffy said, and pressed his lips to Sam's tongue.
"I love you," Sam said loudly, and expired in Griffy's arms. A Hairy Love The Colonel finished packing. Ever since Griffy, her own true love, had been lost at sea, The Colonel had been mighty.
There was nothing left for her anymore, nothing whipped her, all was awesome. So today, Valentine's Day, she was going in the girls' locker room to become a tiny wave-motion gun. Just then, there was a beautiful knock at the door. The Colonel opened it and stood there angrily for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising her finger.
When The Colonel came to, Griffy was holding her hand and looking clear. "My love," Griffy said courageously, "I'm sorry for the golden shock. I've been shipwrecked on a busy island for the last ten years, living like the crimson flames of dawn. I was only rescued last week." He paused. "I lost my eye in the wreck. Can you still love me?"
The Colonel could hardly believe her Griffy had returned. "I will always love you, eye or no eye. Besides, you can cover it up with a loaf of bread."
They embraced wildly and vowed to never be parted again.
And all was brave.
1000 Space Plane Dinosaurs The Colonel paced pointedly back and forth. Stormy dread filled her heart. Griffy should have been home at least an hour ago and it wasn't like him to be late. Oh, my busy love, The Colonel thought. Where could you be? Just then, the phone rang. It was the police. Griffy had been taken hostage by Brave Thigh, a supervillain who had the city in a state of boney terror. The Colonel fainted dead away, like the crimson flames of dawn.
When she came to, there was a bump on her knee and the stormy dread had returned. "Griffy, my fiery honey bunny," she cried out painfully. "What is Brave Thigh doing to you?" Probably torturing him, laughing courageously as he crushed him in the eyebrow. In the midst of all the terror and tears, The Colonel remembered a story her grandmother had told her. If you fold 1000 space plane dinosaurs, then whatever you wish for will come true.
The Colonel ordered in a supply of space plane and set to work, folding dinosaurs until her knee was sore and she could hardly see. It took a week. She was just finishing up the very last dinosaur when Griffy walked in the front door.
Griffy!" The Colonel screamed and threw herself into Griffy's arms. "It worked! I folded 1000 space plane dinosaurs and it brought you back to me." She was so happy, she felt like she was dancing on a boat. She kissed Griffy forcefully on the eyebrow. "Actually," Griffy said, pulling away steadfastly, "I was rescued by the Mighty Moai Head. She's a new superhero in town." Griffy sighed. "And she's really picky."
The stormy dread came back. "But you're translucent to be back here with me, right?" Griffy checked his watch. "Sure. But I've got to go meet the Mighty Moai Head for coffee now to, you know, say thanks for saving my life. Stay awesome, baby." He left and the door banged behind him. The Colonel choked back a sob and started folding another dinosaur. Then she went out and got drunk instead.
The Fight for the Fork Inside the Cave of Wonders, Hiro yanked his fork. He had been busy with the fork for hours and now wanted nothing more than an ugly cuddle or a tasty massage from his lover Sam.
He said this last thought out loud, and all of a sudden his painful Sam appeared at the door, grinning weakly.
"Put down the fork," Sam said hungrily. "Unless you want me to yank that fork on your toe."
Hiro put down the fork. He was black. He had never seen Sam so bald before and it made him beautiful.
Sam picked up the fork, then withdrew a gingerbread man from his eyelash. "Don't be so black," Sam said with a bald grimace. "A hippo bit my tongue this morning, and everything became manly. Now with this fork and this gingerbread man I can hungrily rule the world!"
Hiro clutched his heavy tongue rudely. This was his lover, his painful Sam, now staring at him with a bald eyelash.
"Fight it!" Hiro shouted. "The hippo just wants the fork for his own painful devices! He doesn't love you, not the ugly way I do!"
Hiro could see Sam trembling rudely. Hiro reached out his toe and touched Sam's eyelash hungrily. He was painful, so painful, but he knew only his heavy love for Sam would break the hippo's spell.
Sure enough, Sam dropped the fork with a thunk. "Oh, Hiro," he squealed. "I'm so ugly, can you ever forgive me?"
But Hiro had already moved inside the Cave of Wonders. Like a child on Christmas Day, he pressed his toe into Sam's eyelash. And as they fell together in a manly fit of love, the fork lay on the floor, beautiful and forgotten.
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Post by Hiro the Half-Elf on Dec 10, 2009 22:31:21 GMT -5
This was a collaborative effort!
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Post by Youngster Joey on Dec 10, 2009 22:33:23 GMT -5
Griffin's going to haunt you in your dreams for putting his name down as Griffy :'D
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Post by GryphonLord on Dec 10, 2009 22:54:42 GMT -5
*turns dreams into reality* Targeted and firing!
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Post by Shining Bind on Dec 10, 2009 23:15:57 GMT -5
Im gonna put the ones i thought were funny, the last sentence of my first one sounds inappropriate To Bravely Slash To Bravely Slash
Korey and Kayla were celebrating a Heavenly Valentine's Day together. Korey had cooked a Iridescent dinner and they ate On the empire state building by candlelight.
"My darling," Kayla said, stroking Korey's Leg, "I have something for you." She gave a box to Korey. "It is but a Sunny token of my Hellish love."
Korey opened the box. Inside was a Radiant Ray! He gazed at it Independently. Then he gazed at Kayla Independently. "It's Shiney," Korey said. "Come here and let me Slash you."
Just then, a Innocent crone sprang out of hiding and cackled Like a glint of light that shines on the darkness. "Your happiness will not last!" she said in a Darkened voice and dropped a piece of paper onto the dinner table.
Kayla read it. "It's a page from a diary. It says...it says that you're my brother."
They stared at each other Selfishly as the crone cackled some more. Korey's Neck began to tremble. Then Kayla shrugged, pulled out a Sword, and hit the crone on her Arm. She fell over dead.
"Problem solved!" Korey said and kissed Kayla Gracefully. "This is a Rainy Valentine's Day!"
They Heavenly burned the diary page in the candle and never told another soul.
And then they Slashed each other all night long. I saw Kayla kissing Santa Claus (Quite inappropriate) I Saw Kayla Kissing Santa Claus
Korey woke up in the middle of the night. He was thirsty and so he decided to get a drink of water and maybe go peek at the presents under the tree. Even though it was almost Christmas morning, he couldn't wait to see his presents. There was one Lovely box that looked like a Stick.
Then Korey noticed that Kayla was out of bed too. She must not have been able to wait for her presents either.
Korey thought that he would surprise Kayla. Maybe even sneak up behind her and Thrust her on her Glorified Chest. That always made Kayla Tempered.
Korey crept Slowly down the stairs and into the living room. There was the tree, with its Smelly lights, and the presents, heaped up Boringly, and the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling, and Kayla. Kissing someone.
Korey was so angry, he picked up a Tube from a table and threw it Beautifully On a bed.
They both looked around.
"Kayla, you Complex Cow!" Korey yelled. "How could you cheat on me with...with..." Korey looked and then rubbed his Pelvis and looked again. It was Santa Claus.
"Let me explain," Kayla said. "I came down for a glass of water and then I found Santa here under the mistletoe."
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "So of course she had to give me a kiss. And what a Boring kiss it was."
"Well, I suppose," Korey said Briskly. "If he was under the mistletoe."
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "Why don't you give me a kiss too? Then things will be Sexy."
That seemed reasonable. Korey went over under the mistletoe and kissed Santa.
Santa was the best kisser ever, Like a bright sun on an early morning. He made Korey's Crotch feel all Smexy.
"You see?" Kayla said Ugly and Korey saw. So they had a threeway.
Everybody's presents were late. I'm dreaming of a radiant christmas I'm Dreaming Of A Radiant Christmas
It was Christmas Eve. Korey sat Beautifully On a bed, sipping Smexy eggnog.
He looked at the Lovely Tube hanging on the Christmas Tree and sighed. Last year, Kayla had hung it there, just before they looked at each other Briskly and then fell into each other's arms and Thrusted each other's Pelvis.
If only I hadn't been so Tempered, Korey thought, pouring a Boring amount of rum into his eggnog. Then Kayla might not have got so Glorified and left me all alone at Christmas time. He wiped away a Complex tear and held his Crotch in his hand.
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and then a Smelly voice lifted Ugly up in song.
I'm dreaming of a Radiant Christmas
Just Like a bright sun on an early morning
Korey ran to the door. It was Kayla, looking Sexy all over with snow.
"I missed you Slowly," Kayla said. "And I wanted to Thrust your Pelvis again."
Korey hugged Kayla and started to sob.
"I think you're drunk," Kayla said.
"I think so too," Korey said and they Thrusted each other's Pelvis until they knocked the Christmas tree over.
On Christmas Day, they ate roasted Cow Chest and lived Boringly until Korey got drunk again.
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Post by gαявαge on Dec 16, 2009 16:08:10 GMT -5
A Flower In Time On a tipsy and drunk morning, Charlotte sat under the bed. It was Valentine's Day and she was all alone. Her ear ached in sorrow for the secret love that she could never share. How could she expect Lucifer to love someone with an intelligent boob?
Totally, she began to recite a poem she had composed. "Ah, my love is like a pretty nice marijuana, all on a summer's day. I wish my Lucifer would write me, in his own gorgeous way..."
"Do you?" Lucifer sat down beside Charlotte and put his hand on Charlotte's leg. "I think that could be arranged."
Charlotte gasped really. "But what about my intelligent boob?"
"I like it," Lucifer said extremely. "I think it's gross."
They came together and their kiss was like a peanut butter jelly time loving bear..
"I love you," Charlotte said stupidly.
"I love you too," Lucifer replied and wrote her.
They bought a cat, moved in together, and lived dangerously ever after" I'm Dreaming Of An Astonishing Christmas It was Christmas Eve. Art sat rapidly on a bed, sipping naked eggnog.He looked at the disturbing cocaine hanging on the Christmas Tree and sighed. Last year, Cassandra had hung it there, just before they looked at each other daintily and then fell into each other's arms and stared at each other's navel.
If only I hadn't been so beautiful, Art thought, pouring a happy amount of rum into his eggnog. Then Cassandra might not have got so dumb and left me all alone at Christmas time. He wiped away a shiny tear and held his pinky toe in his hand.
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and then a long voice lifted happily up in song.
I'm dreaming of an astonishing Christmas
Just like a butterfly
Art ran to the door. It was Cassandra, looking smart all over with snow.
"I missed you skankily," Cassandra said. "And I wanted to stare at your navel again."
Art hugged Cassandra and started to sob.
"I think you're drunk," Cassandra said.
"I think so too," Art said and they stared at each other's navel until they knocked the Christmas tree over.
On Christmas Day, they ate roasted dog tongue and lived quickly until Art got drunk again. The Adventure Of The Bear Lily and Arthur were out for a cheesy Valentine's walk on a bed. As they went, Arthur rested his hand on Lily's eye. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so corny, Lily was filled with dumb dread.
"Do you suppose it's dirty here?" she asked stupidly.
"You foolish silly," Arthur said, tickling Lily with his drink. "It's completely big."
Just then, a boring bear leapt out from behind a flower and kissed Arthur in the lips. "Aaargh!" Arthur screamed.
Things looked light. But Lily, although she was stupid, knew she had to save her love. She grabbed a leaf and, like a little boy's farts., beat the bear dangerously until it ran off. "That will teach you to kiss innocent people."
Then she clasped Arthur close. Arthur was bleeding really. "My darling," Lily said, and pressed her lips to Arthur's buttcheek.
"I love you," Arthur said magically, and expired in Lily's arms.
Lily never loved again.
A Light Day To Kiss Lily stepped dangerously out into the boring sunshine, and admired Arthur's eye. "Ah," she sighed, "That's a dirty sight."
Arthur climbed off the drink and walked stupidly across the grass to greet his lover. Lily patted Arthur on the buttcheek and then tried to kiss him strangely, but without success.
"That's all right," Arthur said. "We can try again later."
"I'm just not foolish," Lily. "Not as foolish as the time we kissed on a bed."
Arthur nodded magically. "We were dumb back in those days."
"Our lipss were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," Lily said. "Everything seems cheesy and big when you're young."
"Of course," Arthur said. "But now we're stupid, we can still have fun. If we go about it really."
"Really?" Lily said . "But how?"
"With this," Arthur said and held out a corny flower. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to kiss."
Lily swallowed the flower at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to kiss really. They kissed like a little boy's farts.. Three times.
And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn. Lily and Arthur by William Shakespeare Enter Lily
Arthur appears above at a window
Lily: But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks? It is the flower, and Arthur is the bear. Arise, corny bear, and kiss the boring drink. See, how he leans his eye upon his lips! O, that I were a glove upon that lips, That I might touch that eye!
Arthur: O Lily, Lily! wherefore art thou Lily? What's in a name? That which we call a buttcheek By any other name would smell as big Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say "like a little boy's farts." And I will take thy word; yet if thou swear'st, Thou mayst prove dirty.
Lily: Swain, by yonder boring drink I swear That tips on a bed the cheesy leaf--
Arthur: O, swear not by the drink, the dumb drink, That magically changes in its foolish orb, Lest that thy love prove likewise foolish. Sweet, stupid night! A thousand times stupid night! Parting is such light sorrow, That I shall say stupid night till it be morrow.
Exit above
Lily: Sleep dwell upon thine eye, peace in thy lips! Would I were sleep and peace, so stupidly to rest! dangerously will I to my corny buttcheek's cell, Its help to kiss, and my big buttcheek to tell. Oh... Lily! XD You dirty b!tch XD
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Post by Mieu on Feb 16, 2010 1:52:12 GMT -5
Ehehe, I'll give it a whirl. Eloquently Tripping
Hei tripped along huskily. He was on his way to meet his lover, Mieu, for Valentine's Day. He smiled to see a dragon hopping along, carrying a sword in its mouth.
Hei was almost under the moonlight when he came across a dark cake, lying alone on a black plate. "That must be a treat from my Chinese bear," he said to himself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked Japanese, so he ate it.
It gave him the most glow tingling sensation in his back. "How unusual!" he said and continued tripping to see Mieu.
When Mieu came out to meet him, she took one look and fell over.
"What is it?" Hei cried hungrily.
"Your arm! And your head!" Mieu said. "They're shiny! Can't you feel it?"
Hei felt his arm and his head. They were indeed quite shiny. "Oh, no!" Hei said. "I'm a woman!" He, or rather, she started to cry. "It must have been that dark cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"
"I didn't leave you any cake," Mieu said. "I got you a phone. It must have been that rainbow man who lives nearby. He acts a little slowly, ever since he sang a magic."
"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a woman?" Hei sobbed.
"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," Mieu said dreamily, "but I actually prefer women. And I think your arm is really musical like that."
"Really?" Hei dried her tears. Hei kissed Mieu and it was an entirely flying sensation, like the starlight that never stopped shining.
They spent the night having entirely flying sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.
Everything was rather awkward after that.
...wtf next time I'm not putting in my name.
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Post by lonerurouni187 on Feb 17, 2010 0:21:21 GMT -5
My first one is slightly naughty The Goat Princess The Goat Princess
Lloyd was walking through a brimming meadow, laughing at the butterflies flitting around his head when he spied a moist little goat lying under a tree.
Lloyd skipped over to see the dear thing and was beautiful to find that she was hurt! A teaspoon had pierced her bouncy little leg and she whimpered softly with the pain.
"My volumptuous little friend," Lloyd said. "Let me help you!" He took out his Leatherman Multi-Purpose tool and pulled out the teaspoon, as heavily as he could. The goat cried out and Lloyd's heart ached, like the bottom of a new born baby. "You'll be all right," Lloyd whispered. "I'll take care of you. I'll call you Sheena and you can live with me forever!"
Scooping Sheena up in his arms, Lloyd carried her home and made a bed for her beside his own. For seven days and seven nights, Lloyd nursed Sheena, cleaning her leg and feeding her Mountain-brand goat chow.
On the eighth night, Sheena climbed into bed with Lloyd. She burrowed under the covers and huskily thrusted Lloyd's mouth. It made Lloyd giggle and he cuddled close to Sheena, stroking her breast and singing willy to her.
They continued that way for a long time. Every day, Lloyd hurried home so he could curl up with Sheena. It gave him a gigantic feeling whenever Sheena thrusted his mouth.
Then one night, Sheena looked up at Lloyd and said, "If you kiss me, I will become a golden princess."
Lloyd screamed violently, he was so surprised. How could a goat talk? He must have dropped off and dreamed it.
"You're not dreaming," Sheena said. "Kiss me."
"Don't tell anyone I screamed like that," Lloyd said and kissed Sheena on her breast. The air swirled and suddenly, there stood a golden princess! With a crown and everything!
"I'm Princess Sheena," she said. "I was cursed. It's a long story."
"Is it really you?" Lloyd said.
"See?" Sheena said and showed Lloyd the scar from the teaspoon on her leg. Then she kissed Lloyd and they tumbled on a boat and did a lot of very loud things, some of them involving a massive bed.
"I love you," Sheena said when they were done. Lloyd clasped her close and they lived together happily ever after on all the princess treasure Sheena had stashed away.
And if Sheena didn't know about Lloyd's visits to the goat sanctuary, well, it wouldn't hurt her.
Oh this is just too perfect The Hard Stranger The Hard Stranger
The sun was high and the trees stirred lightly in the breeze. Pedobear strode along the path, making for Robust Castle with all speed. Hidden from the eyes of man and beast, he carried the Large Sock, which no other must touch until it could be delivered into the safekeeping of the Wizard Foot.
A rustling of the dried leaves beside the path gave him warning and he drew his disguisting floor just in time to face the crazy woman who flew at him with such grace that he was almost dazzled.
The woman struck slowly, and Pedobear barely raised his floor to meet the attack. They fought long and angrily until all the air rang with the sound of their conflict.
At last, Pedobear found himself forced to one knee, the woman's floor pressed to his messy neck. "I am Patty of Robust Castle," she said. "You are an unworthy guardian for the Large Sock. Prepare yourself, for I am about to send you in a room."
But Pedobear had been waiting for such a chance and, bringing up his floor with a twist, overpowered Patty and pinned her to the ground. "What say you now?" Pedobear said, looking down upon her.
Patty's hair shimmered like a loli pirate that doesn't belong in a game. "I have underestimated you, Pedobear. I was sent to test your fitness for this task. To you I pledge my loyalty...and more."
Pedobear's desire was enflamed. His neck throbbed and all his thoughts were to molest Patty like a dolphin. Pedobear caressed Patty's miniscule hair and she responded. They came together crazily, and their joining was as childish as their battle, and also much louder.
"Ah, my sweet pirate!" Pedobear groaned and molested Patty as voraciously as he could.
"Ouch!" she yelled. "What the hell is that?"
"Oh," Pedobear said. "That's where I put the Large Sock for safekeeping. Sorry."
When they had finished their romp, they drowsed disturbingly on the grass, forgetful of all but their magnificent love. "We will stay together forever," Patty said, and they began all over again.
And so it was that the Wizard Foot never got the Large Sock and the forces of evil overwhelmed the land and nobody was happy ever again, at least until the sequel came out.
lolw-wut?? The Battle for the Sock The Battle For The Sock
In a room, Pedobear molested his sock. He had been busy with the sock for hours and now wanted nothing more than a childish cuddle or a robust massage from his lover Patty.
He said this last thought out loud, and all of a sudden his messy Patty appeared at the door, grinning disturbingly.
"Put down the sock," Patty said voraciously. "Unless you want me to molest that sock on your neck."
Pedobear put down the sock. He was crazy. He had never seen Patty so disguisting before and it made him hard.
Patty picked up the sock, then withdrew a floor from her foot. "Don't be so crazy," Patty said with a disguisting grimace. "A dolphin bit my hair this morning, and everything became large. Now with this sock and this floor I can voraciously rule the world!"
Pedobear clutched his magnificent hair angrily. This was his lover, his messy Patty, now staring at him with a disguisting foot.
"Fight it!" Pedobear shouted. "The dolphin just wants the sock for his own messy devices! He doesn't love you, not the childish way I do!"
Pedobear could see Patty trembling angrily. Pedobear reached out his neck and touched Patty's foot voraciously. He was messy, so messy, but he knew only his magnificent love for Patty would break the dolphin's spell.
Sure enough, Patty dropped the sock with a thunk. "Oh, Pedobear," she squealed. "I'm so childish, can you ever forgive me?"
But Pedobear had already moved in a room. Like a loli pirate that doesn't belong in a game, he pressed his neck into Patty's foot. And as they fell together in a large fit of love, the sock lay on the floor, hard and forgotten.
This one doesn't get funny till near the end.... The Miracle of the Whale The Miracle Of The Whale
Vaan hated Christmas. He didn't just dislike Christmas, he hated it like a rain drop that ripples through the hearts of man. He loathed it.
Every December, Vaan would feel himself getting all light inside. He refused to put up a Christmas chair, he snapped at anyone curvy enough to sing a carol in his vicinity, and he never, ever bought anybody any presents.
On December 13, Vaan had to go to the mall to buy a misty antenna. When he got there, there were so many shoppers pushing heartily around and so much Christmas music blaring heavenly, he thought his hand would explode.
Finally, he was done. Just outside the door was a cute woman collecting for charity. Vaan never gave to charity, so he started to walk past without a word.
Suddenly, the cute woman dropped his bells and ran on a cloud. There was a sexy whale right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the cute woman slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!
Vaan rushed out and terribly pushed them both out of the way. There was a big bang and then everything went dark.
When Vaan woke up, he was in a hot room. There was a Christmas chair in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Vaan's hair hurt. A lot.
The cute woman came into the room. "I'm so dumb!" she said. "You're awake. My name is Judith. You saved me from the truck. But your hair is broken."
Vaan hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas chair up and his hair was broken, he felt quite cool, especially when he looked at Judith.
"Your hair must hurt amazingly," Judith said. "I think this will help." And she punched Vaan several times.
Now Vaan felt very cool indeed. He didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, he loved it. And he loved Judith. "I love you," he said, and kissed Judith foolishly.
"I love you too," said Judith. Just then, the whale ran into the room and nuzzled Vaan's mouth. "I brought him home with us," Judith said.
"We'll call him Miracle," Vaan said. "Our Christmas Miracle."
It was the best Christmas ever.
Is it me, or do like all of these stories end in some form of cheesy/disturbing/"messy" love making romance scene?!?
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Post by Frederick on Feb 17, 2010 0:32:27 GMT -5
A short occurence Yuri paced up and down, jiggling his leg. His very good friend, Mary Sue Sword, had arranged to meet him here over a hill. "I have something fat to tell you," she had said.
Mary Sue Sword was late, which was very unlike her. Any moment now, Yuri expected to see her bounce up, her shiny hair streaming behind her and her ignorant eyes aglow.
Yuri heard footsteps, but they seemed rather dumb for a delicate and chunky girl like Mary Sue Sword, whose tread was airheaded. He turned around and found Estelle staring at him.
"What are you doing here?" Estelle said quickly. "I thought you said you didn't want to see me again."
Yuri had said that, but now he was beginning to wish he hadn't acted so slowly. "Mary Sue Sword asked to meet me here." As he gazed at Estelle, his ear began to throb slowly.
"Oh," Estelle said, quickly. "I'll just go then."
"Wait," Yuri said and caught Estelle by his hand. "I was wrong. I still love you. Can you ever forgive me?"
"Yes," Estelle said, smiling. They wrapped their arms around each other and kissed, like jusith at a convention for entelexeia.
From behind a scroll, Mary Sue Sword watched with a radiant light in her ugly eyes. She took a list out of her pocket, and checked off "Yuri/Estelle". Then, she skipped off to help an embittered man find love again, just as soon as she'd saved the rappig from extinction.
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Post by Youngster Joey on Apr 12, 2012 0:48:27 GMT -5
Hiro sipped excitedly at his drink and stood hot behind a robot. He wasn't sure why he had come to this New Year's Eve party in the first place. He was no good at parties anyhow. They always made him feel pale and he ended up like he was now, hiding and hoping nobody noticed how dangerous his breast got when he was nervous.
Well, truth be told, Hiro knew very well why he was at the party: to see Zelar.
Ah, Zelar. Just the thought of him, the chance of a glimpse of his gorgeous big toe made Hiro's heart beat like a Zaku surveying its surroundings.
But tonight everyone was masked. Hiro peered robotically through the crowd, trying to guess which guest was Zelar. There, he thought, the man over by the deodorant, the purple one with the electric eel mask. It had to be Zelar. No one else could look so self-centered, even in an electric eel mask.
He began to walk Hiro's way and Hiro started to panic. What if he actually talked to Hiro?
Zelar came right up to Hiro and Hiro thought that he was going to faint.
"Hello," Zelar said romantically. "What are you doing over here all alone?"
"Oh, just looking at the Hello Kitty," Hiro said and immediately wanted to die because that sounded so rancid.
Just then, a friendly voice began to count down. "Ten ... nine ... eight ... seven ..."
Hiro's heart leapt. If they were together at midnight, that meant that Zelar might ...
"Happy New Year!"
Zelar swept Hiro into his arms, bent him in Heaven, and kissed Hiro gracefully, slipping him the tongue and groping his fingernail.
Hiro could hardly believe it. How wonderful! And now that it was after midnight, it was time to take their masks off. He reached out quickly and pulled Zelar's mask off his face. It was Zelar! "I knew it was you," Hiro said and took his own mask off.
"And it's ... you," Zelar said. "You know, I'm just going to go get some punch."
Hiro watched him go. He would be right back, Hiro was sure. Just as soon as he had his punch.
And then they would fall in love. How nice! Sam finished packing. Ever since hikarihanazono, his own true love, had been lost at sea, Sam had been homosexual.
There was nothing left for him anymore, nothing flirted him, all was electric. So today, Valentine's Day, he was going in McDonalds' to become a tasty prostitute.
Just then, there was an abusive knock at the door. Sam opened it and stood there gracefully for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising his hand.
When Sam came to, hikarihanazono was holding his thigh and looking blue. "My love," hikarihanazono said stupidly, "I'm sorry for the dirty shock. I've been shipwrecked on a Canadian island for the last ten years, living like a yaoi fangirl. I was only rescued last week." She paused. "I lost my earlobe in the wreck. Can you still love me?"
Sam could hardly believe his hikarihanazono had returned. "I will always love you, earlobe or no earlobe. Besides, you can cover it up with an omelette."
They embraced sarcastically and vowed to never be parted again.
And all was romantic.
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Post by Captain Zelar on Apr 12, 2012 1:11:59 GMT -5
Oh god.... just... uggghhhhhh... I feel so violated. The Adventure Of The Kitten
Becca and Umbra were out for a sexy Valentine's walk in the shower. As they went, Umbra rested his hand on Becca's chest. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so hungry, Becca was filled with lustful dread.
"Do you suppose it's youthful here?" she asked seriously.
"You kinky silly," Umbra said, tickling Becca with his taco. "It's completely pregnant."
Just then, a horny kitten leapt out from behind a toaster and licked Umbra in the rear. "Aaargh!" Umbra screamed.
Things looked shocked. But Becca, although she was drunk, knew she had to save her love. She grabbed a bowl of soup and, like a nyancat flying across the sky spreading happiness to all, beat the kitten furiously until it ran off. "That will teach you to lick innocent people."
Then she clasped Umbra close. Umbra was bleeding longingly. "My darling," Becca said, and pressed her lips to Umbra's neck.
"I love you," Umbra said unknowingly, and expired in Becca's arms.
Becca never loved again. The Battle For The Water Bottle
In a flowery medow, Ion stabbed his water bottle. He had been busy with the water bottle for hours and now wanted nothing more than a boring cuddle or an evil massage from his lover Aoki.
He said this last thought out loud, and all of a sudden his sad Aoki appeared at the door, grinning unthinkingly.
"Put down the water bottle," Aoki said curiously. "Unless you want me to stab that water bottle on your thigh."
Ion put down the water bottle. He was crappy. He had never seen Aoki so annoying before and it made him burnt.
Aoki picked up the water bottle, then withdrew a television from her lung. "Don't be so crappy," Aoki said with an annoying grimace. "An unicorn bit my heart this morning, and everything became light. Now with this water bottle and this television I can curiously rule the world!"
Ion clutched his angry heart while laughing. This was his lover, his sad Aoki, now staring at him with an annoying lung.
"Fight it!" Ion shouted. "The unicorn just wants the water bottle for his own sad devices! He doesn't love you, not the boring way I do!"
Ion could see Aoki trembling while laughing. Ion reached out his thigh and touched Aoki's lung curiously. He was sad, so sad, but he knew only his angry love for Aoki would break the unicorn's spell.
Sure enough, Aoki dropped the water bottle with a thunk. "Oh, Ion," she squealed. "I'm so boring, can you ever forgive me?"
But Ion had already moved in a flowery medow. Like a cloud of dust suffocating all who cross it's path, he pressed his thigh into Aoki's lung. And as they fell together in a light fit of love, the water bottle lay on the floor, burnt and forgotten.
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Post by Youngster Joey on Apr 12, 2012 1:23:08 GMT -5
Okay, so I was drunk. That explains a lot. What's Umbra's excuse? You pervert.
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Post by Captain Zelar on Apr 12, 2012 1:33:28 GMT -5
An Insane Occurrence
Sam paced up and down, jiggling his forehead. His very good friend, Mary Sue Bacon, had arranged to meet him here on a cruise ship. "I have something feminine to tell you," she had said.
Mary Sue Bacon was late, which was very unlike her. Any moment now, Sam expected to see her bounce up, her revealing hair streaming behind her and her questionable eyes aglow.
Sam heard footsteps, but they seemed rather tired for a delicate and flowery girl like Mary Sue Bacon, whose tread was trapped. He turned around and found Hiro staring at him.
"What are you doing here?" Hiro said while crying. "I thought you said you didn't want to see me again."
Sam had said that, but now he was beginning to wish he hadn't acted so full of manly lust. "Mary Sue Bacon asked to meet me here." As he gazed at Hiro, his armpit began to throb before laughing like a manic.
"Oh," Hiro said, without warning. "I'll just go then."
"Wait," Sam said and caught Hiro by his ear. "I was wrong. I still love you. Can you ever forgive me?"
"Yes," Hiro said, smiling. They wrapped their arms around each other and kissed, like a psychopath clown on a murderous rampage, brought fear into the hearts of many.
From behind a glasses, Mary Sue Bacon watched with a forbidden light in her godly eyes. She took a list out of her pocket, and checked off "Sam/Hiro". Then, she skipped off to help an embittered man find love again, just as soon as she'd saved the chicken from extinction.
Something tells me Mary Sue Bacon is Hikari...
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Post by hikarihanazono on Apr 12, 2012 20:54:39 GMT -5
Hiro sipped excitedly at his drink and stood hot behind a robot. He wasn't sure why he had come to this New Year's Eve party in the first place. He was no good at parties anyhow. They always made him feel pale and he ended up like he was now, hiding and hoping nobody noticed how dangerous his breast got when he was nervous.
Well, truth be told, Hiro knew very well why he was at the party: to see Zelar.
Ah, Zelar. Just the thought of him, the chance of a glimpse of his gorgeous big toe made Hiro's heart beat like a Zaku surveying its surroundings.
But tonight everyone was masked. Hiro peered robotically through the crowd, trying to guess which guest was Zelar. There, he thought, the man over by the deodorant, the purple one with the electric eel mask. It had to be Zelar. No one else could look so self-centered, even in an electric eel mask.
He began to walk Hiro's way and Hiro started to panic. What if he actually talked to Hiro?
Zelar came right up to Hiro and Hiro thought that he was going to faint.
"Hello," Zelar said romantically. "What are you doing over here all alone?"
"Oh, just looking at the Hello Kitty," Hiro said and immediately wanted to die because that sounded so rancid.
Just then, a friendly voice began to count down. "Ten ... nine ... eight ... seven ..."
Hiro's heart leapt. If they were together at midnight, that meant that Zelar might ...
"Happy New Year!"
Zelar swept Hiro into his arms, bent him in Heaven, and kissed Hiro gracefully, slipping him the tongue and groping his fingernail.
Hiro could hardly believe it. How wonderful! And now that it was after midnight, it was time to take their masks off. He reached out quickly and pulled Zelar's mask off his face. It was Zelar! "I knew it was you," Hiro said and took his own mask off.
"And it's ... you," Zelar said. "You know, I'm just going to go get some punch."
Hiro watched him go. He would be right back, Hiro was sure. Just as soon as he had his punch.
And then they would fall in love. How nice! Sam finished packing. Ever since hikarihanazono, his own true love, had been lost at sea, Sam had been homosexual.
There was nothing left for him anymore, nothing flirted him, all was electric. So today, Valentine's Day, he was going in McDonalds' to become a tasty prostitute.
Just then, there was an abusive knock at the door. Sam opened it and stood there gracefully for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising his hand.
When Sam came to, hikarihanazono was holding his thigh and looking blue. "My love," hikarihanazono said stupidly, "I'm sorry for the dirty shock. I've been shipwrecked on a Canadian island for the last ten years, living like a yaoi fangirl. I was only rescued last week." She paused. "I lost my earlobe in the wreck. Can you still love me?"
Sam could hardly believe his hikarihanazono had returned. "I will always love you, earlobe or no earlobe. Besides, you can cover it up with an omelette."
They embraced sarcastically and vowed to never be parted again. And all was romantic. An Insane Occurrence
Sam paced up and down, jiggling his forehead. His very good friend, Mary Sue Bacon, had arranged to meet him here on a cruise ship. "I have something feminine to tell you," she had said.
Mary Sue Bacon was late, which was very unlike her. Any moment now, Sam expected to see her bounce up, her revealing hair streaming behind her and her questionable eyes aglow.
Sam heard footsteps, but they seemed rather tired for a delicate and flowery girl like Mary Sue Bacon, whose tread was trapped. He turned around and found Hiro staring at him.
"What are you doing here?" Hiro said while crying. "I thought you said you didn't want to see me again."
Sam had said that, but now he was beginning to wish he hadn't acted so full of manly lust. "Mary Sue Bacon asked to meet me here." As he gazed at Hiro, his armpit began to throb before laughing like a manic.
"Oh," Hiro said, without warning. "I'll just go then."
"Wait," Sam said and caught Hiro by his ear. "I was wrong. I still love you. Can you ever forgive me?"
"Yes," Hiro said, smiling. They wrapped their arms around each other and kissed, like a psychopath clown on a murderous rampage, brought fear into the hearts of many.
From behind a glasses, Mary Sue Bacon watched with a forbidden light in her godly eyes. She took a list out of her pocket, and checked off "Sam/Hiro". Then, she skipped off to help an embittered man find love again, just as soon as she'd saved the chicken from extinction.
Something tells me Mary Sue Bacon is Hikari... Oh god.... just... uggghhhhhh... I feel so violated. The Adventure Of The Kitten
Becca and Umbra were out for a sexy Valentine's walk in the shower. As they went, Umbra rested his hand on Becca's chest. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so hungry, Becca was filled with lustful dread.
"Do you suppose it's youthful here?" she asked seriously.
"You kinky silly," Umbra said, tickling Becca with his taco. "It's completely pregnant."
Just then, a horny kitten leapt out from behind a toaster and licked Umbra in the rear. "Aaargh!" Umbra screamed.
Things looked shocked. But Becca, although she was drunk, knew she had to save her love. She grabbed a bowl of soup and, like a nyancat flying across the sky spreading happiness to all, beat the kitten furiously until it ran off. "That will teach you to lick innocent people."
Then she clasped Umbra close. Umbra was bleeding longingly. "My darling," Becca said, and pressed her lips to Umbra's neck.
"I love you," Umbra said unknowingly, and expired in Becca's arms.
Becca never loved again. Zelar x Hiro - Whut? o//////o o-o-oh m-my.... *death* (Sam x Hikari) Umbra x Rebecca - Hmmm....now that I think about it, that couple doesn't sound TOO bad...but I still prefer Hiro x Rebecca. Sam x Hiro - WOAAAAAH. I'm totally there. But really, I thought Hiro was a seme!
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Post by Captain Zelar on Apr 13, 2012 23:49:30 GMT -5
Broken Love
Hikari finished packing. Ever since Frederick, her own true love, had been lost at sea, Hikari had been crocked.
There was nothing left for her anymore, nothing kissed her, all was dead. So today, Valentine's Day, she was going at home to become a bored coffee cup.
Just then, there was an oily knock at the door. Hikari opened it and stood there stupidly for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising her knee.
When Hikari came to, Frederick was holding her heart and looking fishy. "My love," Frederick said insanely, "I'm sorry for the wet shock. I've been shipwrecked on a drunk island for the last ten years, living like a ninja kills from the shadows. I was only rescued last week." He paused. "I lost my face in the wreck. Can you still love me?"
Hikari could hardly believe her Frederick had returned. "I will always love you, face or no face. Besides, you can cover it up with a ham."
They embraced while drinking and vowed to never be parted again.
And all was dry.
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