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Post by Youngster Joey on Apr 14, 2012 0:15:18 GMT -5
So, Frederick is ham-faced.
It works.
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Post by Captain Zelar on Apr 14, 2012 0:17:07 GMT -5
The Miracle Of The Bug
Cless hated Christmas. He didn't just dislike Christmas, he hated it like a pizza with hotdogs in the crust giving many people heart attacks. He loathed it.
Every December, Cless would feel himself getting all cheap inside. He refused to put up a Christmas hobo, he snapped at anyone surprised enough to sing a carol in his vicinity, and he never, ever bought anybody any presents.
On December 13, Cless had to go to the mall to buy a round radio. When he got there, there were so many shoppers pushing seductively around and so much Christmas music blaring marvelously, he thought his cheek would explode.
Finally, he was done. Just outside the door was a tiny woman collecting for charity. Cless never gave to charity, so he started to walk past without a word.
Suddenly, the tiny woman dropped his bells and ran on a giant taco. There was a sacred bug right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the tiny woman slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!
Cless rushed out and miraculously pushed them both out of the way. There was a sick bang and then everything went dark.
When Cless woke up, he was in a fancy room. There was a Christmas hobo in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Cless's arm hurt. A lot.
The tiny woman came into the room. "I'm so prickly!" she said. "You're awake. My name is Latee. You saved me from the truck. But your arm is broken."
Cless hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas hobo up and his arm was broken, he felt quite hot, especially when he looked at Latee.
"Your arm must hurt jealously," Latee said. "I think this will help." And she beat Cless several times.
Now Cless felt very hot indeed. He didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, he loved it. And he loved Latee. "I love you," he said, and kissed Latee while undressing.
"I love you too," said Latee. Just then, the bug ran into the room and nuzzled Cless's toe. "I brought him home with us," Latee said.
"We'll call him Miracle," Cless said. "Our Christmas Miracle."
It was the best Christmas ever. Running out of AC members, going to switch to famous people.
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Post by Youngster Joey on Apr 14, 2012 1:03:30 GMT -5
wtf so I downloaded this program that parodies poorly written fanfics at www.fanficmaker.co.uk/. Abyssal Chronicles: The Return Of Hiro : The Sequal It Was A Hot Day In Somewhere In Texas. Hikari Woke Up Next To Zelar Hiro Is Back, I Can Smell Him... "If He Is Back, Then He Must Have Survived That Fall! "More Ugly Then Ever You Mean!hahaha!" Suddenly AokiShizuku Came In Quickly. "Hiro Is Back, He Has Killed Latee And Scott!!!" "Frelll" Yelled Hikari "He Is Trying To Take Over Sylvarant !" "You Must Know One Thing, One Vital Important Fact That Will Be His Fatal Weekness...you Must Know This,ok, Pay Carefull Attention And Take Note For If You Fail To Listen The Consquences Will Be Terrible...listen Well To My Word... In Order To Defeat Hiro You Must..you Must...you Must...." At That Moment AokiShizuku Droped Dead On The Floor,..there Was An Arrow In Her Back! "Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!" Said Our Hero "Nooooooooooooo!!!" He Repeated, In An Upset Tone Of Voice. ÿÿÿÿ "She Was My Friend, I Am Upset!" "There There, Hero." Zelar Patted Hikari On The Back. "Thanks, Thats Better " "Look! She Has Something In Her Hand!" Inside Was A Secret Encripted, Coded Note: "The Book Will Destroy The The Book As The Glue Of Baldness Returns." This Must Be A Clue! lets Go! But Then, It Turned Out Hikari`s Lover Had Been Secretly Sleeping With Hiro The Pain, The Incredibly Agonizing Suffering She Felt Going Through Her Heart, Down Her Spine, Into Her Collon And Leaving His Body Through Her Anus Once More. She Was Going To Take Revenge, On Both Of Them, On Everyone. She Grabbed Her Dessert Eagle, Her Barretta And His AK-74 With M6 Bullets Loaded. And Of Course, Her Trusty Rocket Launcher. There She Went, Onto The Streets, Scaring Everyone In Sight. Everyone Knew, She Was Out To Take Revenge. The Cops Hide, So Did The Thieves And The Beggers And The Laddies, Until There Wasn`t A Single Living Being On The Steet. She Went Into His Flying Helicopter, And Forced His Pilot At Gunpoint To Fly Him To The Base Of Hiro. There She Would Take His Revenge. The Base Of Hiro Was Crowded With Thugs, All Baring Heavy Arms And Weapons. And Those That Didn`t Have Weapons, Had Big Twin Machetties And Double Egged Katana`s. The Helicopter Came Closer And Hikari Grabbed His Semi-automatic Rocketlauncher, Pointed And Fired At A Group Of Thugs Who Were Outside For A Smoke. A Rain Of Blood Came Down. The Helicopter Itself Was Also Splattered. "Shoulda Dodged That," She Said Manly. So, Out Heroes Met Up With Hiro Shortly Thereafter. Unfortuntely No One Witnessed The Tragic Events That Followed, And The Survivors Arnt Willing To Talk About Their Tragic Expirences We Do Know That Hiro Was Either Killed Or Fled. Zelar Was mortaly Wounded. AokiShizuku, However, made It Out Alive. It Is Said They Saved Many Lives, But No One Now Knows Where They Live Now. Hikari Returned A Changed Man. He Has Been Triumphant...but At What Cost? He Married Sol, Apperently, Allthough That Too Is Shrouded In Mystery We May Never Know The Events That Happened That Day, But One Things For Sure; One Day Someone Else Will Covert Fountain Of Youth. And When That Does,we Better Hope There Is Someone Like Hikari To Save Us All The End I am not quite sure what happened there, but it sounds like Hikari got a sex change? I don't even know
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Post by Captain Zelar on Apr 14, 2012 1:13:53 GMT -5
So wait... I was sleeping with Hikari before... then I betrayed her for Hiro and so she got a sex change and killed me? idek.... Edit: : Nightmare on Olympia Once apon a time... One night Zelar had been drinking too much ginger beer. at the local fight club. He felt very nice and enjoyed it very much. Then all the sudden he saw a stranger walking. Not just any stranger because real strangers dont exist! This one was evil! Zelar ran to stranger and hit him, it was Umbra! "How dare you..you.. villain! I kill you by murder!" "Yes, we fight now!" No Zelar screamed in agony. and he screamed a lots you know. it really really hurt. the pain that is. Trust me, youd scream hurt! Our hero took his mighty weapon and went balistik on him. "Oh no! It was my friend! And my friend there is really a man!" "My friend! said Zelar, you are a man!" he said and saying he did! "Yes" he said and he looked with love towards Zelar, I am also your long lost twin brother. "but I thought Umbra was that?" "Yes, and we concieved you together, so we are both your father " "Oh that is good" said Zelar "No it is not! Mahaha...you see i must kill you because of instructions i got from my pineapple "But not today!", with that the villianess villian ran off into the sunset But then, it turned out Zelar`s lover had been secretly sleeping with Umbra The pain, the incredibly agonizing suffering he felt going through his heart, down his spine, into his collon and leaving his body through his anus once more. He was going to take revenge, on both of them, on everyone. He grabbed his dessert eagle, his barretta and his AK-74 with M6 bullets loaded. And of course, his trusty rocket launcher. There he went, onto the streets, scaring everyone in sight. Everyone knew, he was out to take revenge. The cops hide, so did the thieves and the beggers and the laddies, until there wasn`t a single living being on the steet. He went into his flying helicopter, and forced his pilot at gunpoint to fly him to the base of Umbra. There he would take his revenge. The base of Umbra was crowded with thugs, all baring heavy arms and weapons. And those that didn`t have weapons, had big twin machetties and double egged katana`s. The helicopter came closer and Zelar grabbed his semi-automatic rocketlauncher, pointed and fired at a group of thugs who were outside for a smoke. A rain of blood came down, with limbs scattered everwhere. The helicopter itself was also coloured red, and Zelar believed he could see someone`s eyebrow sticking against the glass. "Shoulda dodged that," he said manly. Our heroes arrived at Umbra. He just stood there. Its time you saw my true form, mortals. "Mortals?" said Becca "What does he mean?" "Maha. Fools...behold..." With that he ripped his mask off! His horns sprung up, he was Satan! "OMG" they all said in unison. "Your G wont save you now, mere mortals" With that, he struck down his falk and killed Hikari "Meh. We didnt like her anyway" "You see? I am evil. I killed. I am Satan" "I know, my son is strong" said Zelar "What??" Zelar smiled softly Dramaticaly,Zelar pulled out A BIBLE! "With the TRUE word of GOD our saviour and with the power of CHRIST I compel you to LEAVE!" "NOOO ARRGGGG NOT THE HOLY WORD OF GOD! MY POWERS OF EVOLUTION AND RATIONAL REASON IS NO MATCH!!!" Satan exploded with the holy light of justice! "This is true power, not that evil magic" saidZelar "Our work here is done" With that, they all went home, safe in the knowledge that Satan was gone and GOD was protecting them all along. The End Edit2: 8: The Revenage Of Umbra
Far far away, in a magical far away distant land..
Hiro was singing a song about a bunch of flowers. Suddenly they bumped into Hiro. "Whoa i didnt expect to see you here at the vets". "Yes i come here every year" Suddenly, an explosion was heard. They then stared deeply and loveingly at eachover. But they fell on a deep dark scary power cable. "oh no we have have been damaged" said Zelar. "I believe Umbra is behind this!" "I deduced as much myself did I" "He is behind an huge huge plan to destory our planet." "How"? By finding a gigantic deathray and sending it into space. "can we stop him?" Yes, by finding the Brief History Of Time By Steven Hawking of god. "where?" In the far away cave, hidden in the mountings of doom, opersite the staircase from nania. "Who are you?" "Your friend" With that the myseterious invisible voice vanished in a puff of smoke. "Come now, Hero, we must find and seak our quest to do!" "Indeed thee must hasten to hawk yonder!" and with that they left
"I think, your feet is cheap" said Ion. "Yes, but it is thinner than some bras." replied Hiro. "True." "What ARE you talking about?" said Zelar And they all laughed.
"You are powerless to defeat me!, Im unbeatable," said Umbra "Oh I beat you villian you, youll run back crying to your momma.The big-breasted one" "Mhuahahaaha I dont need no mother, I am after all invisible".After that, Zelar leaped down onto the vulcano plato. He was in luck because he just managed to jump on it but didnt fall in it. It would have been a short story if he fell in it. Hiro called to him: "are you alright buddy, you fell quite hard"."Im an expert at falling," spoke Zelar, "especially with girls."
Umbra stood looking at our hero with his cape flapping in hotness.
He beared an expression of smugness. "I had told you, I am invincible, I cannot be killed, I cannot die, I cannot breath. And I have this!!!"
Suddenly he held the Sword aloft "This is what you want! This is what you need! But its mine now. You cant stop me.
"Noo....not the Sword" "Yes. The Sword" "The Sword!" gasped Becca "Yes. The Sword" Suddenly a bolt of lightning went through in the air, strikking left and right but not hitting the lava plato they were all standing on. The Villain lit up dark in the flash of lightning. His features scary. Laughing as he stood there, he approached Zelar, "Give up and go home, Becca doesnt love you anyway." "Thats not true!" Zelar ran forward and fought him (by slashing into him while Umbra evaded his attack and shoot fire from his fingertips) But every time he hit the villain, he just smiled and hit him back. In between dodging lava ejectulations, Umbra said: "You cannot beat me" "NEVERRRRRRRR!!!!" HE YELLED HARD! "Then you will lose, and I will win and destroy everything you care for." "I HATE YOU!!" said Zelar and ran towards him with his weapon drawn. "Pathetic human, you can not beat me since I have this Incinerator!"" "No?! You have created it?! What have you done?!" "Oh it was just a simple thing. With the help of your friend," He said while dodging another lava ejactulation, "I finished it just yesterday. Oh my, a lovely night we had. "Your a monster and you will die, you monster!" Zelar ran towards Umbra, just dodging a fire ball, leaping towards a plato in the lava, dodging a lava ejaxtualatuion, landing on a rock he surfed like Legolas in Lord of the Rings on his skateboard towards the villain again, who in turn laughed out loud and smirked and took another fireball in his hands because he really wanted to kill the Zelar"NOW!!!" SHOUTED our hero and his female companion lifted her top and Umbra was distracted by the bouncing blobs of womanflesh. ÿÿÿÿ Using this to his outmost tactical advancement Zelar grapped Sword from Umbra and stabbed him in his ear Owch! While I had the Sword I could not be harmed. But now it was taken from me I can and was and it hurt He staggereed around and grabbed into the air, he was dying. "You are all dooomed, doomed! You will die and I will see your death come to you and your family and your families family family." Suddenly an ejacturalition of lava sprung up and whooshed him with its flames, leaving behind only ashes. "Hero, Hero, I love you! But we only have 5 seconds to escape before this volcano erupts!!!" "Then quick, we must leave and leave this place behind, said Zelar and left this place behind." Just in time, when the last second of the clock was about tick, Zelar and the sidekicks got out and everything crashed behind him, leaving only smoke and dust and stones behind in the rubble."
The End
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Post by Umbra on Apr 21, 2012 23:11:14 GMT -5
A Shimmering Day To Caress
Zelar stepped judgmentally out into the throbbing sunshine, and admired Sam's foot. "Ah," he sighed, "That's a thorny sight."
Sam climbed off the baseball bat and walked steadily across the grass to greet his lover. Zelar patted Sam on the spleen and then tried to caress him fearfully, but without success.
"That's all right," Sam said. "We can try again later."
"I'm just not quirky," Zelar. "Not as quirky as the time we caressed in the water."
Sam nodded skillfully. "We were courageous back in those days."
"Our noses were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," Zelar said. "Everything seems sluggish and broken when you're young."
"Of course," Sam said. "But now we're heroic, we can still have fun. If we go about it unconditionally."
"Unconditionally?" Zelar said . "But how?"
"With this," Sam said and held out a black telephone. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to caress."
Zelar swallowed the telephone at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to caress unconditionally. They caressed like an alcoholic getting drunk from mouthwash. Three times.
And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn. Zelar has a foot fetish. To Shockingly Grow
Aoki and Phone Master Ion were celebrating a stained Valentine's Day together. Aoki had cooked a hidden dinner and they ate trapped behind bars by candlelight.
"My darling," Phone Master Ion said, stroking Aoki's leg, "I have something for you." He gave a box to Aoki. "It is but a shattered token of my giggly love."
Aoki opened the box. Inside was a checkered subway! She gazed at it hastily. Then she gazed at Phone Master Ion hastily. "It's underground," Aoki said. "Come here and let me grow you."
Just then, a badass crone sprang out of hiding and cackled like baby penguins floating on lava. "Your happiness will not last!" she said in a painful voice and dropped a piece of paper onto the dinner table.
Phone Master Ion read it. "It's a page from a diary. It says...it says that you're my sister."
They stared at each other cheerfully as the crone cackled some more. Aoki's stomach began to tremble. Then Phone Master Ion shrugged, pulled out a closet, and hit the crone on her eyebrow. She fell over dead.
"Problem solved!" Aoki said and kissed Phone Master Ion reluctantly. "This is a nostalgic Valentine's Day!"
They toughly burned the diary page in the candle and never told another soul.
And then they grew each other all night long. Suggestive as hell.
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Post by Youngster Joey on Apr 21, 2012 23:43:59 GMT -5
Phone Master Ion's a real superman, isn't he? Lifts up subway stations and closets like it's no big deal.
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Post by Captain Zelar on Apr 22, 2012 0:01:28 GMT -5
A Thick Day To Make Out Umbra stepped with out thinking out into the robust sunshine, and admired Ion's chest. "Ah," he sighed, "That's a raging sight." Ion climbed off the pancake and walked while flexing his muscles across the grass to greet his lover. Umbra patted Ion on the bicep and then tried to make out him fearlessly, but without success. "That's all right," Ion said. "We can try again later." "I'm just not rough," Umbra. "Not as rough as the time we made out deep in a forest." Ion nodded suggestively. "We were attractive back in those days." "Our necks were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," Umbra said. "Everything seems lactating and muscular when you're young." "Of course," Ion said. "But now we're sweaty, we can still have fun. If we go about it while drinking." "While drinking?" Umbra said . "But how?" "With this," Ion said and held out a manly barbell. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to make out." Umbra swallowed the barbell at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to make out while drinking. They made out like a female dog. Three times. And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn. THE END
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Post by Youngster Joey on Apr 22, 2012 0:41:03 GMT -5
Umbra hated Christmas. He didn't just dislike Christmas, he hated it like a morally corrupt politician. He loathed it.
Every December, Umbra would feel himself getting all sweaty inside. He refused to put up a Christmas bus, he snapped at anyone colorful enough to sing a carol in his vicinity, and he never, ever bought anybody any presents.
On December 13, Umbra had to go to the mall to buy an anorexic violent sex offender. When he got there, there were so many shoppers pushing loudly around and so much Christmas music blaring steathily, he thought his intestines would explode.
Finally, he was done. Just outside the door was a bloody man collecting for charity. Umbra never gave to charity, so he started to walk past without a word.
Suddenly, the bloody man dropped his bells and ran in the girls' bathroom. There was a Saudi Arabian walrus right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the bloody man slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!
Umbra rushed out and lecherously pushed them both out of the way. There was a greedy bang and then everything went dark.
When Umbra woke up, he was in a homosexual room. There was a Christmas bus in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Umbra's face hurt. A lot.
The bloody man came into the room. "I'm so adorable!" he said. "You're awake. My name is Zelar. You saved me from the truck. But your face is broken."
Umbra hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas bus up and his face was broken, he felt quite sexy, especially when he looked at Zelar.
"Your face must hurt stupidly," Zelar said. "I think this will help." And he passionately kissed Umbra several times.
Now Umbra felt very sexy indeed. He didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, he loved it. And he loved Zelar. "I love you," he said, and kissed Zelar reluctantly.
"I love you too," said Zelar. Just then, the walrus ran into the room and nuzzled Umbra's tongue. "I brought him home with us," Zelar said.
"We'll call him Miracle," Umbra said. "Our Christmas Miracle."
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Post by Umbra on Apr 22, 2012 2:14:20 GMT -5
At least the word "reluctantly" makes my case better.
You see, it was an act. Like in one of those horrible movies where they have to literally drag actors in to play the part.
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Post by Captain Zelar on Apr 22, 2012 2:21:35 GMT -5
Oh, I see... so I'm unattractive huh?!
Fine! I'm leaving you and taking custody of miracle!
*storms out*
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Post by Youngster Joey on Apr 22, 2012 2:44:15 GMT -5
I don't think you want to associate with people who purchase sex offenders at the mall anyway, Zelar.
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